Emmet writes a book!
by PeddieLover2012
Summary: What happens when Emmett writes a book and the Cullens decide to read it? Why does Alice have a space ship and is called Alice snailbob? Post BD includes Nessie and Jacob. Canon couples B/E A/J R/Em E/C N/J


**AN: this is what happens when you bored in a French lesson.**

**Thanks to I love Rosalie hale (Nicole) ;)**

**Disclaimer: we don't own twilight...yet but maybe one day. Oh who am I kidding it is never going to happen.**

**Chapter 1  
**

**3rd person POV **

"I've finished, I've finished!"

Emmett ran down the stairs like Nessie on christmas day and jumped over the back of the sofa to land next to his wife Rosalie. Slowly turning her head she looked at her but ball of a husband. Esme looked at her son and reached for her phone not taking her eyes off of him. By the piano, Edward started to laugh at Esme's thoughts. Bella glares at her husband and frowned.

"she's going to call the asylum to come and take him away" Edward explained. Alice looked at Esme and then grinned evilly "that can be arranged".

"Emmett what exactly have you finished?" Jasper asked his brother. "I've finished a book that I have wrote."

"what's it called?" Rosalie asked trying not to burst into laughter At her husbands stupidity.

"Ahhhh...well I haven't quite figured that bit out yet but I will soon don't worry" Jasper muttered "we weren't don't worry yourself" but he said it do quietly that no one heard him apart from Alice who started to giggle quietly, but it kept getting louder and louder that Jasoer had to cover her mouth with his hand. Edward also read it in Jaspers thoughts and was chuckling to himselfbout managed to keep them under control unlike Alice. Everyone looked their way and hadtheir mouths hung open from shock, because in front of them there was Alice, who was shaking from laughter and I bet if shecould produce tears they wouldhstrafe among down her face, who had Jaspers big hand clamped firmly over her quite small mouth and then there was Edward who wasoccurred up into a small ball so that her would not burst out laughing. Everyone stared for a couple of seconds and then just turned away except Bella who then proceeded to help Edward of the floor.

"well I say that we read this book to see if it's any good" Carlisle said to try and support his son. "can I read first pleaseeeee ?" Alice asked being the hyper pixie that she is. "no it's my book I will read first" Emmett replied, Alice just huffed and crossed her arms over her stomach defensively. Jasper tried to get her to relax a bit but it wasn't working. Emmett opened the book and began to read.

"**chapter 1: The kid with the spaceship**." he said " **Alice pulled into the school car park in her spaceship. Her home planet was made of honey and marshmallows**."

"why the fuck do I have a spaceship and honey and marshmallows really?!" Alice said with giving Emmett a death glare from across the room. "I was hungry give a guy a break"Emmett replied. "but uncle Emmett you can't eat" Nessie said trying not to get too annoyed at her uncles stupid behaviour. "and how would you know" Emmett said coldly. "my mummy said so"Nessie said sticking out her tongue. "your mums a lying bitch then isn't she!". Nessie ran upstairs and came down carrying a little green tin that had the words '**SWEAR JAR**' on them. Bella looked over. "Nessie i only emptied that 3 hours ago, how is it full again?". Nessie looked down at the ground and mumbled "I spend far too much time with uncle Emmett".Alice looked at Jacob and Emmett who both had growls coming from them and slowly backed away towards Jasper."ok let's carry on" her voice shook with fear. Jacob had become vey protective of Nessie and even the slightest thing set him off, he was almost as bad as her parents if not worse so everyone knew to be careful because they didn't want him to phase in front of Nessie from anger and either end up scaring her or even worse hurt her. Well apparently everyone but Emmett knew.

Emmett began to read again "**her outfit was made out of cookies and crisps and she also had pepperoni on her feet for shoes. Everyone looked at her and started screaming "hey look it's lady gaga!". She walked into the office and the receptionist was typing away.**"

Alice stood up ad ran out of the room. 3 seconds later a high pitched scream could be heard. Everyone looked at Emmett who had his head buried into Rosalie's lap screaming away. "why are you screaming?" Esme asked and looked at her son once again reaching for her phone. "I was caught up in the heat of the moment and I just had to." speed dial 5, AKA the asylum, was nearly rung so many times in the past week it was unbelievable. Carlisle just shook his head at Emmett's antics, with a grin threatening to ruin his calm facade. Emmett was oblivious to all of this and once he had stopped screaming her lifted up his head and grabbed the book which had fallen on the floor sometime during his little fit. He once again continued reading, starting at where he had left of. "'**hi I'm Alice snailbob and I'm new here' the receptionist was staring as if she had seen a ghost or some other type of mythical creature**." by the time he had finished reading those couple of sentences everyone was in hysterics. Emmett grinned at the idea of everyone liking his book, little did he know that they were actually laughing at his stupidity and not at the book. He just had one more question, "Alice where exactly did you go?". "well you see I was pissed tht you would even imagine dressed like that so I went upstairs and into you room and did something evillllll !" she said with a creepy look plastered on her face. "please just tell me what it is that you did exactly!" Emmett begged. "you wil find out later". emmett just gulped and with that he ran up the stairs andstar sight intogridbedroom.

"ALICE !"

**Please review :)**

**We are not crazy, just mentally challenged and unstable. Always have been, always will be**


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